Eliminating Nervousness and Developing
Confidence
Tips and Tricks
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© 2003-2007, DATING INSIDER.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
How to eliminate shyness,
nervousness, and other forms
of 'male social anxiety'...
We've culminated the following
section from postings to the
Dating Insider Forum. Rather
than post this section as a
stand alone chapter, we've decided
to leave in the original posts,
which we feel reveal the challenge
many men face... How not to
act or appear shy or nervous
and how to act and appear 100%
confident.
Read over these
common issues men face with social
anxiety, and the solutions we've
put together for the many men
who deal with it. You don't have
to live with shyness or nervousness
any longer.
Original Posts
to the Dating Insider Forum:
"...It seems that
ever since my ex and I broke
up, I've slowly come to
the painful and embarrassing
realization that I may not
have all of the mack finesse
that I had before our 7
year stint together. Now
a days, I suffer from things
like speechlessness, and
some sort of nervous facial
tick. I'm sure that the
women that I'm trying to
talk to pick up on this
and that's probably why
I've been so down and out
in the dating arena since
the ex. Does anyone else
suffer from any of these
women deturing anomolies?
If so or even if not...
I'm open to feed back of
any sort. Anything!! Especially
about these wierd facial
things that happen. It's
really trippin' me out..."
- mjgeter
"...I can totally relate
to your post. I always
go through this crap.
For some reason, everytime
I get around a hot, or
even cute, girl, I get
locked into this bogus
thing where I stutter.
I don't get it, I've NEVER
stuttered in my life.
Only recently, when I
get around a babe like
this, or try talking to
her. Needless to say,
I make a COMPLETE ass
out of myself everytime.
Another retarted
thing I've always done
has been the "voice-changing"
thing.
For some dumb-assed
reason, If I talk to a
girl for a few minutes,
I change my voice to-
I guess what I can refer
to as "the nice guy voice".
I think that my mind has
always been totally pre-occupied
with the fear that she'll
think I'm too bold or
maybe even be afraid of
me, so I have subconciously
developed this bogus "voice"
I use, but cannot control,
that I guess is supposed
to set them at "ease",
or something. In reality
it probably scares her
even more- leaving her
to think: is this the
same guy who was here
a few seconds ago?- and
it sucks, because I just
want to be myself, with
my OWN, REAL, voice.
I just want her to
take me seriously, which
she clearly WILL NEVER
do, as long as these "flaws"
are present. So, to anyone
out there, what is the
deal with these "quirks",
to say the least?
Shall I seek professional
help? I feel like there
all just "nervous" things,
but I can never seem to
lose them or control them..."
- anserdo
Eliminating
Nervousness and Developing Confidence:
Tips and Tricks
So what is
going on anyway? The sudden shortness
of breath. The unexpected loss
of words. The shyness. The nervousness...
Think of it
as 'male social anxiety'....
Your mind is
racing. There's a great looking
girl before you and your sexual
instinct is suddenly kicking into
gear... As such, your body is
growing suddenly anxious, as one
of its key existences is to reproduce.
Just as your mouth responds to
the site of good food by making
you salivate, so does your body
respond to the site of a woman
that looks like mating material.
These are physiological responses
to your immediate environment,
and most people can't control
them.
Who is a woman
going to feel safer with? A guy
who's whole demeanor suddenly
changes into a quivering horn-dog
the moment she walks through the
door, or the guy who maintains
complete control and doesn't look
like he's ready to climax in his
pants just by looking at her?
Most guys already
know this answer... They see that
the guys most women are generally
interested in don't seem to show
any anxiety when women are present.
These men don't necessarily "ignore"
women, instead they talk and carry
themselves as if everything is
completely normal, especially
when interacting with women directly...
And it's not that these men aren't
attracted to these women, these
men just know (some instinctively)
that showing anxiety is on the
same level as losing control of
one's emotions, and is looked
down on by women (and men alike).
So don't show
anxiety. Don't 'lose control'.
There's generally
two groups of men that are able
to achieve the level of self control
portrayed above:
1) Men who are
accustomed to being around attractive
women all their lives, and as
such don't feel anxiety when attractive
women are around.
2) Then the
second group: Men who have conditioned
their minds to not be phased by
attractive women, because these
are men who have learned that
male social anxiety turns women
off.
For example,
think of window washers who work
on tall skyscrapers... These men
become accustomed to the job,
and pretty soon it's no big deal
to them to be washing windows
1,000 feet up over the city, while
for 99.9% of people it would be
a truly frightening experience.
So what are
the different quirks guys have
that reveal to women 'male social
anxiety'?
When attractive
women enter the room:
- Some men become
extremely shy
- Some suddenly
talk in a nervous, shaky voice
- Some men freeze,
not knowing what to say
- Some men stutter
(when they were talking fine to
their buddies just a moment before)
- On the opposite
end, some men suddenly become
macho radio d.j.'s and try to
take on a deep sexy voice (later
on women laugh to each other about
how "ridiculous" these guys are!)