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Dating Insider

DATING INSIDER
( Extract From Chapter 4)

Eliminating Nervousness and Developing Confidence
Tips and Tricks

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How to eliminate shyness, nervousness, and other forms of 'male social anxiety'... We've culminated the following section from postings to the Dating Insider Forum. Rather than post this section as a stand alone chapter, we've decided to leave in the original posts, which we feel reveal the challenge many men face... How not to act or appear shy or nervous and how to act and appear 100% confident.

Read over these common issues men face with social anxiety, and the solutions we've put together for the many men who deal with it. You don't have to live with shyness or nervousness any longer.

Original Posts to the Dating Insider Forum:

"...It seems that ever since my ex and I broke up, I've slowly come to the painful and embarrassing realization that I may not have all of the mack finesse that I had before our 7 year stint together. Now a days, I suffer from things like speechlessness, and some sort of nervous facial tick. I'm sure that the women that I'm trying to talk to pick up on this and that's probably why I've been so down and out in the dating arena since the ex. Does anyone else suffer from any of these women deturing anomolies? If so or even if not... I'm open to feed back of any sort. Anything!! Especially about these wierd facial things that happen. It's really trippin' me out..." - mjgeter


"...I can totally relate to your post. I always go through this crap. For some reason, everytime I get around a hot, or even cute, girl, I get locked into this bogus thing where I stutter. I don't get it, I've NEVER stuttered in my life. Only recently, when I get around a babe like this, or try talking to her. Needless to say, I make a COMPLETE ass out of myself everytime.

Another retarted thing I've always done has been the "voice-changing" thing.

For some dumb-assed reason, If I talk to a girl for a few minutes, I change my voice to- I guess what I can refer to as "the nice guy voice". I think that my mind has always been totally pre-occupied with the fear that she'll think I'm too bold or maybe even be afraid of me, so I have subconciously developed this bogus "voice" I use, but cannot control, that I guess is supposed to set them at "ease", or something. In reality it probably scares her even more- leaving her to think: is this the same guy who was here a few seconds ago?- and it sucks, because I just want to be myself, with my OWN, REAL, voice.

I just want her to take me seriously, which she clearly WILL NEVER do, as long as these "flaws" are present. So, to anyone out there, what is the deal with these "quirks", to say the least?

Shall I seek professional help? I feel like there all just "nervous" things, but I can never seem to lose them or control them..." - anserdo

Eliminating Nervousness and Developing Confidence: Tips and Tricks

So what is going on anyway? The sudden shortness of breath. The unexpected loss of words. The shyness. The nervousness...

Think of it as 'male social anxiety'....

Your mind is racing. There's a great looking girl before you and your sexual instinct is suddenly kicking into gear... As such, your body is growing suddenly anxious, as one of its key existences is to reproduce. Just as your mouth responds to the site of good food by making you salivate, so does your body respond to the site of a woman that looks like mating material. These are physiological responses to your immediate environment, and most people can't control them.

Who is a woman going to feel safer with? A guy who's whole demeanor suddenly changes into a quivering horn-dog the moment she walks through the door, or the guy who maintains complete control and doesn't look like he's ready to climax in his pants just by looking at her?

Most guys already know this answer... They see that the guys most women are generally interested in don't seem to show any anxiety when women are present. These men don't necessarily "ignore" women, instead they talk and carry themselves as if everything is completely normal, especially when interacting with women directly... And it's not that these men aren't attracted to these women, these men just know (some instinctively) that showing anxiety is on the same level as losing control of one's emotions, and is looked down on by women (and men alike).

So don't show anxiety. Don't 'lose control'.

There's generally two groups of men that are able to achieve the level of self control portrayed above:

1) Men who are accustomed to being around attractive women all their lives, and as such don't feel anxiety when attractive women are around.

2) Then the second group: Men who have conditioned their minds to not be phased by attractive women, because these are men who have learned that male social anxiety turns women off.

For example, think of window washers who work on tall skyscrapers... These men become accustomed to the job, and pretty soon it's no big deal to them to be washing windows 1,000 feet up over the city, while for 99.9% of people it would be a truly frightening experience.

So what are the different quirks guys have that reveal to women 'male social anxiety'?

When attractive women enter the room:

- Some men become extremely shy

- Some suddenly talk in a nervous, shaky voice

- Some men freeze, not knowing what to say

- Some men stutter (when they were talking fine to their buddies just a moment before)

- On the opposite end, some men suddenly become macho radio d.j.'s and try to take on a deep sexy voice (later on women laugh to each other about how "ridiculous" these guys are!)

 

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